Collaborative family law is not a "do it yourself" process. The resolution of a family law dispute needs and deserves the participation of a number of people.
It may seem obvious to say that you are a member of the collaborative team, but you should realize that in other approaches to family law disputes (typically, litigation), you are only a secondary player: when a family law dispute is on its way to court, most of the activity takes place in your lawyer's office (and, later, in court), and most of the control rests with your lawyer (and his or her team of experts, witnesses, and legal support staff). In the collaborative family law process, you remain actively involved in all stages of the process.
One person cannot collaborate alone. You will need a commitment from your spouse, to participate in the collaborative family law process with you. You and your spouse will be involved as equal participants in the process, with the same obligations for communication, respect and disclosure.
Unlike mediation (where one lawyer or other mediator guides the parties to a resolution that is satisfactory for both parties), collaborative family law requires that you have your own lawyer advising you about your rights and obligations throughout the process, so you will quickly and clearly know what is happening (and what could happen) as the collaboration progresses.
To ensure that both parties in a collaborative family law dispute have a clear understanding of what is happening, and to be sure that they are represented fairly and adequately, it is necessary that each party has individual legal representation. Your spouse will have his or her own lawyer, just as you have your own lawyer. That way, there will not only be proper legal advice offered to both parties, but there will also be an assurance of fairness and equality between both parties.
Those are the people who must be involved in the collaborative family law process. Depending on the needs of the parties, the complexities of the dispute, and the availability of resources in your community, there could be a benefit in relying on the services of others, including:
Small children should be kept out of any family law dispute, if at all possible. When there are older children, though, it might be useful to have them involved in some aspects of the collaborative process. They might then feel less like pawns in the family law dispute, and they could contribute important ideas and feelings about their status in the family breakdown.
Collaborative law requires effective communication between the parties. You might believe you and your spouse have not communicated efffectively since you started living together. Whether or not that is the case, you might find it difficult to communicate effectively with your spouse during meetings with the four of you (you, your spouse, and your lawyers). Where there are difficulties in communication (or where you simply need someone else to support you in your efforts to communicate with your spouse in collaborative meetings), you could benefit from a counselor or other professional who could assist you in dealing with emotional issues and communications difficulties.
Communication is a two-way process. Just as you might need a coach, your spouse might also find a coach to be valuable in dealing with emotional and other issues that arise in collaborative meetings.
In most family law disputes, your children are the most precious part of the broken family. Some children are able to survive their parents' separation without too many emotional or other scars, but many children have serious difficulties. When the difficulties are serious enough to make a child psychologist's assistance worthwhile, then you should certainly seek the assistance of a qualified child psychologist. You may benefit from that psychologist's assistance, almost as much as your children do. You will likely find that it becomes easier for you to discuss issues relating to your children, and that it becomes easier for you to focus on other issues.
455A financial consultant can provide a variety of services, which ultimately may save you money rather than cost you money. A qualified financial consultant may assist you in determining the values of your assets, and in budgeting for future living expenses. Along with that, the financial consultant might also be able to suggest tax and investment strategies that could result in savings for you and your spouse.